:::another chapter

Friday, November 30, 2007

I've MOVED!!!
yep yep. everyone needs a blank canvas every now and then!
find me at paperaeroplanes
pls pls update your links! Thanks!

ecrit ||6:10 PM 0 comments

Sunday, November 18, 2007

i saw this again at fred flare! and i really want it for christmas!!! :(

ecrit ||4:13 AM 0 comments

Friday, November 16, 2007

reduced to the pages of a love novel

first week of hell was over. im glad. somehow everything seems to me moving on. and i feel like im trapped in this stand still. perhaps it's just called having exams. time doesnt play a person better than this. its always at the worst time that all your friends seem to be having fun, people you love are back in S'pore (yes that's you theo!), and there's just so much you wanna do. but yet you can't cuz you have to sit on ur sorry little ass all day and mug the life outta you. i havent met a better player than time.

so a mini catch up sesh with shin and colin. alright i admit it's a rather odd combination. but so happen the birthday boy called and we happened to be round the corner. so why not?! it was pleasant. rather insightful. im still insisting on turning that love story into a film. dinner conversation surrounded around parties, booze, the usual and also settling down. particularly me. i've clearly lost track of how many times my friends or random people have asked me why am i not settled/or why am i not attached. and i know ive written about this countless times, enough to bore you to tears. but yet, after days and hours of starring into blank space i cant quite figure it out. perhaps i've wished so hard for my feelings to disappear that it has come true. i honestly dont think i know how to like a guy as of now. not that i dont want to. i dont know. or perhaps ive been lost somewhere along the paths of crossing my world into yours. so much so that as impossible as it seems, uncertainty births forth a kind of blind faith that causes an immobility to move forward. just like how Beckett puts it in Godot.

sometimes in the fantasy of my own little world where we rest on clouds and have pretty heels that do not bite your feet, i dream and wish for somewhat like a genie to answer all my doubts. and maybe make a wish or two come true. i remember clearly what one of my profs said during our first lecture in year one, "if your not attached by the time you hit year 4 in sch, you can kiss having a relationship goodbye in this line in the media industry." and as absurd as this sounds, it holds great truth and is rather scary. to me at least. no im not fretting or whatsoever.

ive realize ive come to a point that i cant be bothered about alot of things. perhaps it may seem that im enjoying my time living the fast life. if only you would have spent a little longer to understand people, im sure you'll see much more. right now i can't possibly think of anything else but to leave this place. ok maybe i dont know what i want. perhaps leaving is just some form of escapism that masks what i really want. perhaps i dont even know what i want. no. i do. but it always seems impossible.

i fear many things. of which consists of gore, blood, insects, old people and being 30 and not having anyone to share my joy with. i believe every girl in the right mind shares the same fear. i do not wish to be stuck alone. hey, who likes to be alone? even more do i not wish to have my so called love life reduced to the pages of a love novel, or a romantic comedy for that matter. i used to tell my ex that if i did write a book about us i'd strike it rich and be famous. it was so bizarre that till now im in shock at how the whole chapter unfolded. im glad it ended though. not that im a saddist or anything. but it's ended, burnt, sent to hell and kept locked there.

i feel like this book is running outta space, perhaps a misuse of the pages filled with too much random nonsense. random people, glowing twilights, loud music and spur of the moment fun. sometimes i really wish i had one. just one. i'd give all just to have one. one that i truly want. but who am i to demand?

it sounds as if my life's in rather bad shape now. perhaps lonely and quiet. unfortunately not quite. on the contrary its rather filled and noisy in fact. so much so that when silence hit it knocks me over. perhaps escaping into a world away from the world would deem the best solution amidst all this chaos. writing to be is not just blabbering or stating events of the day. its a form of release. an escape to throw everything out. and thank god for this failing memory of mine, it'll just be like a bad hangover. gone in the morning. i like this escape. sometimes i don't even know what im rambling about. see my thoughts are never in sequenced. just random. bits and pieces, drips and draps all over. it takes more than that to see the big picture.

many things have happened that appalled me. somehow the mind works in a way that it is unable to erase certain things that you experience. its ability to pick up on things and only registering it much later really throws you into the sea of thought. and now im pretty much lost in it. drowning perhaps. i always believe it aint that good to think so much. but somehow i cant help it. sometimes things just dont revolve just around you.sometimes its impossible to look someone in the eye the same way again. sometimes guessing just makes you the joke. its a game. 2 can play it. perhaps game itself has played you well.

lately it seems like the fresh smell of spring is arriving. a new beam of sunlight maybe. its all too crazy. i used to thing sweet and nice are boring. maybe not quite this time. perhaps sweet and nice just wants to come out to play this season.

this aint going nowhere. as usual.

ecrit ||2:14 AM 0 comments

Friday, November 09, 2007

Halloween at Ben & Jerry's

dawn, myself, julian, jas, jason!

the party at zouk that followed was pretty crazy shit.

ecrit ||12:48 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Sundays are HAPPY days!

2 amazingly fun fleas coming up! i can't wait!

so, what you waiting for?!

ecrit ||7:20 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.  Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel.  None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch.  And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones.  And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.


  -- Elizabeth Bishop

ecrit ||11:50 PM 0 comments

ramble ramble,
im in trouble.
goodness, who am i trying to kid?!

i don't quite understand the way things work. things just couldnt have gotten any worse. i dont understand why i circum myself to such ridiculous situations. to be stuck in the middle, and not know how to act or what to do. perhaps it's just like existentialism, we really do wait for something to happen, so we can react to it. but the thing is, it has happened. and im lost and confused. i still can't quite figure you out. not a bit. perhaps im analyzing a little too much, perhaps i just need to know the other side of the story, or rather know how to play the game.

i really cant take this crap now. not at this very moment. i played with fire and got my fingers burnt. now its stinging and it hurts. but i cant seem to make it go away. i look at the fire, and its as if its starring right back at me with that smirk that says, "i told you so".

i guess it was a misjudgment on my part. dug myself yet another hole that i can't get out of. sometimes i wish i can just get away from everything for a moment. i know ive been saying this for quite a while now, sadly im still praying it'll happen. i wanna be able to breathe some fresh air, see new sights, experience new cultures. u know the feeling you get when u know u dont belong, and ure meant to be somehwhere else? it's almost bugging me forever. and occasionally i'd fall into this deep dark hole. and it bugs you.

writing this isnt liberating at all. its almost as if u were being stigmatized. for no apparent reason at all. somehow letting this out doesnt seem like its going anywhere.
what the heck.

i need some time alone.
some time where i can figure things out.
answer all the whys and hows.
i dont think i can take another one of this crap anymore.

ecrit ||10:17 PM 0 comments

depressed derranged deluded

perhaps its the time of the month where people start to pms and have mood swings. perhaps its just me in a bad mood.

sadly no. i cant concentrate, can focus. i feel choked and on the brink of suffocation. oh the drama. i hate this mood/phase/whatever that im in. i want to get it out. i dont understand why it has to be this way. it's like being unable to pry a nail out from your hands after you've accidentally nail it in. it's like getting cut by the beach and the salt water touches the wound.

i can't quite figure this out. mixed signals, mind games all those shit. freak. i give up. seriously. i told myself its gonna be one last try. prayed about it even. but yet, it hurts after hearing that one line. the one line that can turn everything upside down. question all doubts, throw you off guard and what not. what the hell. sometimes i cant even imagine why im putting up with such shit. perhaps its the thick wall ive built around that's causing this void. but now it's cracked and from the inside, somewhat.

i ask myself why put myself through all these nonsense
why can't i seem to let go and walk away?

i wanna run away,
to a place where i can
leave these troubles at God's feet,
clear my mind and sort things out.

i wanna remove this heaviness that's choking me.
painting the silence with purity and joy once again.

ecrit ||1:16 AM 0 comments

Monday, November 05, 2007

Menace at Pluck

we had a small celebration sorta thing at Pluck the weekend before the 31st. was pretty fun i'd say. ran around getting props and decor to do up the store. plus our so called costumes, special sundae with a suprise topping and photo booth!

the 2 posters for pluck,
my silly poem and the hand-drawn dracula by amelia!

prep prep, doing up the shop!
sabrina, amelia and myself!

heading home after a days work
its amazing how we still have the energy to cam whore in the cab! haha..
love this girl, always full of fun and suprises!

met up again on sat to get more props for the shop

and the actual saturday! complete with cob webs, spiders, and witch's hat!
jon the spartan warrior decided to drop by!

its pretty surprising how people rub off one another. simply put, it's like how one smile can spread to a hundred, a thousand and more. despite some stressful moments at the shop where i swear i was on the verge of idunnowhattodoorsaybutijustfeellikerunningout.. yea.. that's how u feel.. despite that, it's still fun. and its amazing how we all get along and do silly stuff! how these makes the night of work fun and not seem like work at all.

hell week in sch came and went. i'm pretty glad it was quick. staying up till 7am and sleeping an ave of 2-3hrs a day is really a killer. i dont understand why people circum ourselves to such misery. then again if you decide not to go with the norm, and just give up. u'll be in shit. why? why has education have to be so torturous and excruciating? sitting 3, 4 hours straight churning out a report on a certain company aint gonna leave such an impact come to think of it. but its as if we were ordered around like robots coming up with ads, reports, budget plan, media plan.. so much for learning being fun. but oh well, i have to admit some parts were fun.
now its down to exams. save me.

halloween at bnj was completely different and kinda crazy as well. lots of photos. i will post when i have the time.

ecrit ||2:08 AM 0 comments