:::another chapter

Saturday, March 31, 2007

another round of retail therapy

with so much work piling up, and the building up stress, there was a need to release it all. headed to town with kenneth for some shopping. i didnt quite intended to shop, just get some stuff i needed. but we ended up spending quite alot! ken almost bought an entire outfit!! i was pretty pleased with my buys. got a canvas/leather bag and a nice grey cardi from collage with a big discount thanks to bryan! :)

we tried to do the double exposure thing with ken's holga. which is suppose to turn out like this. i wanna get one toO!

we didnt realise it was the midnight shopping thing till we bumped into val. ive never seen town so crowded at night before. it was gross. i never like singapore crowds. the just bumped into you and expect you to be in the wrong. maybe learning social etiquette should be compulsory! poor ken got shoved aside by this woman and he wasnt even in her way! scary.

we met up with mae after much walking around. went to emerald hill to bum and have some drinks. was damn funny talking about all sorts of nonsense. bad parenting, theme parties and the subconscious mind. crazy.

yummy wedges!

ecrit ||12:52 PM 0 comments

Thursday, March 29, 2007

my little escape

yesterday wasn't an easy day. but darkness brought fun. one of the rare times that i was in school till like 9plus in the night, close to 10. thank god project meeting at adm turned out well. least we've got some sort of a script to shoot. actually there were many other ideas as well. oh well.

i was still deciding if i should go to johore with sharon and her mum for supper or some late night adventure. sharon was gonna drive!! haha..i needed the get away. but there's so much work. then she called and said she was at my place waiting for me. that was even before i reached home. so what the heck. i went along.

it was quite fun. got stopped at customs for some crap. cuz we were bringing one of her friend's domestic helper to extend her stay. and the police kinda suspected it. it was damn funny. tried to take photos and got asked to delete them! crap! i didnt know we couldn't take photos there.

supper at this night hawker-bar kinda thing with funky zouk music. i swear the playlist sounded just like the one Zouk plays during mambo. it was all the same mix! and then there was hiphop. sharon calls it Zouk JB. we had too much food. but it was good and damn cheap. i love the ice tea. everywhere else BUT singapore has good ice milk tea!

sharon's mum and the table spread full of food!

pretty star lanterns at the place
nice chill out ambiance
kinda like our newton but more done up

there was a little mini mart thing there. and we bought a bagfull of gum back! the guy thought we were mad buying so much gum. and we found illegal cigarettes too. some funky pall mall ones with a denim looking cover. freakin cheap! like S$2!! so we bought one each. not that we smoke. probably give it away. was damn funny in the car cuz we were looking for places to hide the ciggies in case customs checked us. stuffing gum in the tissue box and all. haha. we didn't take any photos! rah!

it was nice bring away. even if it was just for a while. it's something about leaving the country that makes it so different. it's like getting away from everything. things your hate, things you love. the stress, the work, the people, the reality. for that moment you are immersed in your own little world where everything and anything goes. nothing to worry about. no strings attach. the feeling of being free. kicks ass!
no wonder Boey Kim Cheng left for his journey to Another Place to write poetry.

ecrit ||10:49 AM 0 comments

well what can i say..

trembling hands, tearing eyes
an aching heart, in disguise
i need some pain
it'll be a great distraction
perhaps the drain of blood
will ease the disappointment

take my mind off
might as well take me too
away from the world
that no longer holds truth

the work keeps on piling. yet time seems to be flying past like nobody's business. somehow, all the effort and hard work i put in or at least tried to, seems like mere regurgitation of what's in someone else's mind. if there's one thing i take away from studying at my course, it'll definitely be that you're not good enough. and perhaps will never be. maybe that's just reality kicking you in your face, or maybe it's just the inhumane nature of the school. ive never got it so bad till i entered my prison.

disappointments after disappointments. it robs you of your faith, robs you of your innocence. you wont see things the same way. many turn out to be skeptics, others cynics. but why? why succumb yourself to such change? i've always told myself to not be changed my what's going on around me. perhaps change is uncontrollable. in this case, more like a force. an unseen force so strong, cunning and heartless. it's like slitting your wrist, not too deep, but just enough that blood will drip and flow out slowly. it's as if your persecutor intended to make you feel every ounce of pain he can squeeze out of you. you tell yourself you can take it and that you're strong. self motivation only works that much. constant slamming right in your face will someday smash your brains. right now i don't quite know which is worse: giving up on your own creativity and imagination, or just taking every little crap that gets thrown at you without fighting back.

ive thought of fighting back. claiming my rights, standing up for myself. but then again, what's the point? i guess ive reached the stage where it's so tiring you just dont give a fuck. no matter how horrible you feel, how much you wanna scream, shout, cry, whatsoever, silence just prevails. the silence so deafening you hear it all inside.

expectations. everyone has them. but who is to judge? to each his own, ive my own too. and i hate the fact im not meeting them. well, i thought i was. till recently. perhaps you are being force to subconsciously raise the bar. cuz everyone's pushing yours up. everyone's demanding something from you. everyone thinks you have to perform. and when you dont deliver, the disappointment is magnified. i hate it. hate the fact that effort doesn't account for anything in this world. or at least the one im living in. hate the fact that results matter more. just one mistake and that's it for you. maybe it's been "that's it" for me.

im tired. yet ive to force myself not to be.
i feel something. yet emotions have to be void.
it's become cold and heartless.
oh wait..
maybe there's still disappointment left.

ecrit ||3:24 AM 0 comments

Monday, March 26, 2007

Braving the Heat & Saturday Night Fever!

with han and mel after the Lime Flea
we were all melting!!

Retro Night at Ben & Jerry's!

it's damn hard being a scoopy. you have to entertain as well..
but it was all good fun!
hopefully this sat's ROCK night will work out!

shin yeong came back to work! yay!

me and janet the lao da! haha..

it was old girl's night, with claire as well! tons of crazy stuff, laughter and the people didnt stop coming in! we were so tired in the end we all couldnt move! made quite a bit for the night! we've not has this muc fun in a while. love it!

ecrit ||9:57 AM 0 comments

Presenting..

House

our very lovely poster and shop interior!
i just hope we do well for the project...

ecrit ||3:03 AM 0 comments

Saturday, March 24, 2007

laughter is contagious

home early on a fri night. there's just so much to do. thinking about it makes me tired. right now i cant seem to be able to start on anything. cuz my internet's giving me some problems.

had dinner in at cream bistro with braces, and bummed around for a bit. omg! ive never laughed so much in a while. practically laughing at almost everything. somehow there was quite a lot of pretty funny incidents and weird pple. and maybe cuz we were full of nonsense. but it was alot of fun..

i realize that shops are closing earlier these days. its sad.

:::::::

ive come to realize that ive been numb to numerous things. not to say that insensitivity is kicking in, but just certain things that dont quite affect me anymore. like stress. i dont think i can feel stress. right now i have 4 projects and 1 essay due in 2 weeks. exams in 3 weeks. and i dont feel a thing. perhaps being in cs has made us all immune to unreasonable deadlines and shitload of stress. it's bad. very.

several other things ive become immune too as well. it's rather sad thinking about it. perhaps the more you know and understand people and maybe how the world works, the more you lose the innocence of child like faith. the faith that caused you to have hope in things for the better. the faith to believe everything will turn out fine. i dont wanna lose it. but i can feel it slipping. sometimes even giving up on things you've always wanted and dreamt of. tell me what am i gonna do.

ecrit ||1:45 AM 0 comments

Friday, March 23, 2007

photo shoot for our project

our really cool concept store has to have a poster so we decided to do the shoot at marry ann's place. thanks to braces to agreed to be our model. :) the poster turned out great! we had alot of fun spying on friendster and having really good chocolate cake made by eunice!

joanne!

braces boy!

it's big foot!!

our trail of clothes...

editing..

the best home made chocolate cake ive tired!
made by eunice!

our emo shot

eunice's emo shot

marry ann's bf cameron

happy!

im sure there were way more photos. it just all got deleted by braces. rah!!

ecrit ||10:43 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

i LOVE Polaroids!!
with ben & dawn :)

i think im gonna go broke buying the film! rah!
and i need a scanner. cuz the pic looks damn grainy!

::::::

interview went great today. well.. didnt feel like an interview. more like a chat. but YAY! i start after exams! :) can't wait to attend the fall/winter shows! she thought i wanted to apply for full time. damn. why do i have school!!! i could have gotten full time! oh well..

::::::

right now i think i really need to live on adrenalin and whatever drugs i take. hopefully some caffeine will help. maybe should get those caffeine pills. with so so SO much work i doubt i'll ever get ANY sleep. help. everything's reaching their expiry dates! all my deadlines are creeping near. i think i'll be dead.

caffeine pills. sounds good.

ecrit ||1:32 AM 0 comments

Monday, March 19, 2007

signs telling you you should quit school

i received 2 very suprising news over the week.

the assistant editor of Style mag emailed me, asking me to go down for an interview on tuesday.
the owner of 20bulbs at Mandarin Gallery asked if i was interested to be editor for Catalog magazine!

other than the countless times jason has asked me what i was doing staying in school instead of quitting and making use of what i have to work, i never expected that it would be an option for me to stop schooling. not until this weekend.

sometime during the week i recieved an email from the assistant editor of Style. she had asked me to go down for an interview this tuesday for an internship/fashion assistant post. it wouldn't be surprising if i had actually applied to the magazine. point is i DID NOT! or rather have not submitted my application. ive always wanted to intern there during the coming summer break, and have only mentioned it to my friend who's a designer there. she passed me the assist editor's email and i was suppose to submit my resume and application in by the end of this month. or rather after ive done it. but much to my suprise i got the email! i was so super happy when i got it. can't quite believe it too! hope all goes well this tues!

the other shocking news occurred during saturday. mel and i were walking around mandarin shopping arcade, cuz the rest of town was packed with people. we went into 20bulbs to take a look. and i kinda know the owner cuz i used to feature her clothes in Seventeen. She then asked if i was interested to take over as editor for Catalog Magazine. I thought i was hearing things. the she said her friend is desperatly looking for people to take over as editor and asked for my contact. she didnt know i was still schooling till i told her! but left my contact nonetheless! i cant believe it! me? as editor?! are u kidding?! way coool! it's like throwing you your dream job right in your face. how amazing is that?! God is GoooooooD! hope they call! :)

so what the hell am i doing still in school when there are so many opportunities thrown an me?! opportunities that are so rare and hard to come by?! I've already let one slipped when jennifer left Seventeen and i was asked if i wanted to take over as fashion writer. if i wasnt in school i'd definitely go for it! so many things that really question why am i even putting up with all the nonsense in school. and the fact that its so freakin far and lessons can be quite a bore doesnt really help.

argh... im confused again.
yet again.

ecrit ||1:51 AM 0 comments

Weekend in the City II

Sunday
i dont know what's up with the weather but it was freakin hot and humid. felt like i was gonna melt away. met kenneth at far east. finally the grass patch got cut off! haha. shopped a bit in town, but cant seem to find anything. so it was off to city hall to shop for specs!!

metal?

or plastic?

it was so difficult to decide!! i narrowed down 6 pairs to these 2. and took forever deciding between brown metal frames or black plastic ones. till now i still cant decide. i like both! i even considered getting both! omg. the metal one looks more classy, but the plastic one's trendier. class vs trend. how how how?! i even flipped a coin like several times. im guessing the people at the shop thought i was crazy. i still want my Prada frames!

i went with the brown metal ones in the end. cuz plastic frames are so common now. esp black plastic ones.

kenneth got bored waiting for me to make my specs and started playing with his holga
i want one too!!!

the horrid optician's glasses i had to wear to get my measurements. it was hideous and hilarious! i felt like a cartoon!

after, we started our photo taking adventure. walked down city hall towards bugis aimlessly randomly shooting some stuff.

outside the nlb

along bugis junction, someone left the door to the employee's clock in place open and we took a sneak shot of the wall. check out the time cards! those that you punch when you clock in and out at work!

going down low at the giant steps

we walked from city hall to haji lane. and we found a red suit case behind the bushes. it was there all alone sitting pretty amongst dried grass and fallen leaves. crimson.

story of an abandoned red suit case

waiting

leaving..

at a closed blue jazz cafe

capturing the moment

36 clicks, 36 seconds lack

point and shoot

the cartoon actually says "the end is here"

traffic's lights

ken at haji lane

view from the top

finally air conditioning in the comfy merce cab

we headed down to clark quay for more photos. but was bit disappointing. checked out central. it was sad. it looks all classy and cool from the outside but judging from the type of shops, it's gonna turn out like another far east or worse with those ah-lian shops selling mass produce from bangkok and useless imitation toys. what a turn off. even liang court was way better despite having only a few japanese shops at the basement. i love the supermarket there! brings back childhood memories..

ecrit ||1:13 AM 0 comments

Sunday, March 18, 2007

boys and gimmicks

it's amazing how much attention one commands when in possession of a particular object or even something intangible. especially so when it comes to guys. every guy has his way of commanding attention or directing it to himself. some excel in sweet talk, what we know as the ladies man, or the common flirt, some flaunt the god-given good looks, while others flaunt inanimate objects such as cash, cool gadgets or even toys.

something as insignificant as a plastic box with coloured sides, better known as the Rubik's cube can amazingly capture the attention of many. never underestimate the power of a gimmick. ever since the movie pursuit of happiness, there has been much fuss over how to solve the Rubik's cube. and so happen so ben bought one from the salvation army. i was pretty intrigue by how everyone was so attracted and addicted to solving it. surprising. not to say that i wasn't. i was, but i was more fascinated about how supper conversation revolved around a Rubik's cube. it was hilarious. notice how much power and control you have with just a plain plastic gimmick. awesome huh?!

ecrit ||11:51 PM 0 comments

weekend in the city I

saturday
mel woke me up at 1.. i cant believe i slept that long. if not for the call i wonder when i would wake up! went down to town to bum around with mel. town was disappointing. pretty boring. lunch at cream bistro and checking out mandarin shopping arcade. everything seems the same. mel suddenly had the urge to cook dinner! motherly instincts?! haha.. her maid found it hard to believe and thought she was mad. so we bought some stuff back to her place to cook dinner for her sis and friend. was quite fun. like a mini scgs dinner! so happen we were all scgs girls!

after that i went down to work a bit at cathay cuz jason needed help. i was surprised to see so many pple at cathay. Uncle Weetiong and Edmund and Donald were all there! plus the babes janet and claire! we havent worked together in ages! us plus the new scoopies haffie, ben, and edmund. that's ALOT of pple. but it was fun! after the band we kinda turned the place into our own club and blasted clubbing music. rocks!

haffie! one of the sweetest girls ive met!

bryanbenderrik! ok.. so it's ben for short

supper at newton was pretty interesting with conversation revolving around horoscope, guys and initiative and secrets! juicy! poor ben kept getting slammed for everything he said! haha. ure just too nice to suan! haha. was pretty tiring, and we finally went back at 4!! i was gonna crash.

ecrit ||11:47 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

death and glitter

as said earlier, life's been bleak. somewhat aimless, yet not that meaningless. somewhat lifeless, yet a tad bit busy. everytime when i try to sit and seriously think about what im doing, everything in general, all i can picture is this huge mess. a huge blur. i cant seem to feel stress until the very last moment. which is bad. just the other day jason was just trying to induce stress on me during work. but it failed. haha.i just cant seem to feel it. my friends are so used to me fussing at the last minute cuz they know that i'll get things done somehow one way or another. perhaps ive forgotten about what stress felt like. no. im not asking for it. no matter how mundane and, as Chandler from Friends put it, "blah", my life turns out to be.

i was reading Oscar Wilde for lit last night. and came accross some interesting quotes.
"The very essence of romance is uncertainty". which is rather apt if you think about it.

another by Wilde i like is:
"the truth is rarely pure and never simple"
think about it. yea the truth will set you free, but how easy is it to tell? since when are truths ever simple? or perhaps truths are what man perceive it to be. just like the allegory of Plato's Cave that we choose to believe what we perceive as the truth. hence, the real truth is never simple.

similar to our lives, what we see may not be always what it actually is. photographs give us an image that is made to be a certain way. i believe our eyes are like cameras too. with out hearts the focus lens. selectively zooming in on things that we want to focus on. amazing. uncontrollable too.

i myself cant quite figure out what's real and what's not either. perhaps i'll just wake up one day and realize that everything's just a huge dream. or that somehow your eyes will be open to see things a way you've never imagined. isnt it weird that someone can just walk right out of your life all of a sudden, when its just a few days back that you were hanging out and having fun? without any reason, and maybe without even you noticing it. perhaps the truth fails to explain theories even the mind cannot comprehend.

walk back in would you?

ecrit ||1:56 AM 0 comments

Monday, March 12, 2007

procrastination

it's been long since i last updated. guess cuz there's not much happening things going on. somehow it feels like life's taking a 180degree turn on me. everything's just slow and mellow now. not quite what i expected it to be.

so the past week was spent preparing stuff for my photo shoots. had to make 3items for Room Revamp, which are also like mother's day gifts. it was difficult! how on earth would i know what mothers like?! my mum's no typical mum. so i had to make several trips down t spotlight to get materials. spend like half an hour deciding on the colour and what to make. STRESS! i hope they turn out nice. i quite like the eye mask. least it looks pretty. but some pple think it's not so mumish. ok.. so it's a tad bit moulin rouge. crimson red felt, black lace, gems, pearls and feathers. nice combi. well for the mask at least.oh well.. we'll see when it comes out.

i cant believe i slept at 5 plus staying up getting my fingers burn from the glue gun and bending wires till my hands were sore. hurts! but it was fun making things.

saturday..
saturday was.. well.. alright. attended service at PL for the first. the place's huge. i like the unfinished look. but i doubt tt's gonna stay. why cant people appreciate the raw form of things?
dinner and drinks with kelly and mike was nice. i love soup restaurant! and kelly brought us to this nice chill out bar at devonshire. Bar Stop. love the ambience. sadly, my saturday ended rather early. way earlier than usual.

ecrit ||11:39 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

restless soul & the unforgivable sinner

there comes a point in our lives that somehow, everything just don't seem good enough. everything just seem, well.. plainly alright. the unfortunate greed of the human nature, of always wanting something more, always wanting something better, kicks in at full swing. so the grass is always greener on the other side, thus the constant monotonous chase of a better life.

the restless soul, on the contrary, understands the above. completely. taking things slow, playing it easy. yet the innate crave that burns from within slowly eats away from the inside, leaving the victim unaware and hollow. and sooner than you know it, you get tired of everything. nothing seems to amuse you and hold your attention any longer. the world of colours start turning black and white, you dance to a different beat, if ure even dancing at all.

ecrit ||11:49 PM 0 comments

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Friday Night - A really long one too

headed down to cathay to catch ben's band play their last set and hung around with dawn and the other scoopies. bumped into a few friends. had quite alot of fun helping around and taking lots of photos!

ben! this dude has a nice voice!

my babe claire dropped by too!!
i miss you ALOT babe!

ben, el, edmund, dawn and i

my fav pic of the night! just cuz dawn looks so so cute here!

jieyan, shun yuan, nigel and their friend cherie dropped by! hung around with them a bit. crazily funny pple.

nigel, shunyuan cherie and jieyan

hot babe jie yan!
i miss ya!

shunyuan and cherie

trying to look cool?!

une femme

un homme

shunyuan and his babes?

nigel's babes?

went for supper with edmund ben and ben's band mate j-e. crazy guys. really. and i dunno where the idea came from but one of them suggested to watch a movie at like 245am and we ended up watching Pursuit of Happiness at 3am. my first 3am show. but was pretty good. really touching. very realistic. almost made me tear. well actually i did. but just a bit. i dun like sad shows!!
the guys from the band has their music stuff with them. huge guitar and j-e's terrorist bomb bag. madness! it was so funny seeing people give us all the horrified looks! and it didnt help the guys kept acting suspicious!

ecrit ||12:01 PM 0 comments