:::another chapter

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

digging another hole for myself

thanks, you got me all paranoid
now it's bugging me. if i was too naiive as to trust people so easily. my judgement sucks. cuz i always tend to believe people are nice. like everyone. and i always get into shit. and now i really pray and hope i will not regret. i don't know why i want to trust you, or why i even did in the first place. but after what you said, now i am scared. and confused again. why?! please tell me it's all just a joke. i was shocked at how fast you can change the mood and made me stay quiet the remaining ride. scary isnt it? it's like taking a plunge right into the deep end. and staying lost in the depths of your own thoughts.

i live my life with no regrets
please don't make me start to.

ecrit ||2:31 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

blessing in disguise

shopping with the girls today was fun as usual. bought uncle edmund a polo tee from ben sherman. we were all so stone, wandering around like lost souls. and i found a nice top! :)

i was so dreading work. the moment i got off the cab i felt queasy. not that i hate the place. but it's just a weird feeling. like you don't feel welcome. i don't quite understand why. and then it got worse. thank god for the girls nicole and merissa who stayed till 7. made things way better.

today i learnt to give everyone a chance. and not belive what others say about them. people are nice, just misunderstood.

things kinda got pretty weird after they left. i guess i was very much quiet. i just didnt feel like my usual self. and i think donald got quite worried cuz he kept asking if i was alright. all i did was stand at a corner and do my job. serve, scoop, and clean. usual stuff, maybe just a tad bit lifeless. for once in my entire working life i had no one to talk to. especially when weetiong and donald went out. and the girls left. i tried to be nice and make jokes.. ok maybe my jokes arent funny. oh well. i wasnt in much of a mood to talk also. i was thinking. alot. about everything. work, school, people, friends, church, my plans.. i guess i must have come off as being very proud cuz i was so quiet. but what's wrong with being quiet.

there were times that i wished i had like faked sick. but that wont be very professional of me. work is work. i stood there, and wished so so freakin hard that i could teleport myself back to cathay. or anywhere out of the place at that very moment. it was nothing bad. i just felt very uneasy. i wasnt angry of irritated or anything. just uneasy and lonely. it has been a while since i left lonely. and it sucks.

i wanted to skip dinner, cuz i didnt wanted to eat alone. so i tried telling weetiong and donald i wasnt hungry. when i was like dying. my cramps didnt help much either. half way i kinda lost my appetite. donald bought me a packet so i had to eat it cuz i felt bad. so i sat there, alone. yes.. alone.. and stared at my food. it was damn freakin sad. i thought i was gonna cry. i think i said the longest grace ever today. kept praying that time will past fast or maybe things will get better. so i did it. i had a meal alone. like my first meal alone in like years. ive always had this policy that if i'd have to eat alone, i'd rather not eat. eating is a happy thing, i don't believe people should eat alone. i'll never ever let anyone eat alone from now on. no way. it's too painful.

thankfully donald came over to talk to me. and i couldnt take it anymore so i told him how i felt and everything. he's a good manager. it's not him, it's just the way the place is being portrayed. u step in there and everything's so gorgeous. but somehow i cant feel welcomed there. maybe it's just me. i dunno how to put it to words. it's just that being there i feel like im in the wrong place. it just feels uneasy. maybe i just belong to cathay. so yes...good news is....

IM TRANSFERING BACK TO CATHAY!!! YAY!!

dempsey's kinda like of a different time dimension. somehow time just crawls by so painfully. by 930 it felt like 12. and it was too painful waiting for the hours to go by.

ive learnt to appreciate some people.
and know to everyone is nice, just misunderstood.
i learnt what it is to feel alone and i wont let anyone eat alone
i learnt patience
i learnt tolerance
and i learnt how to forget your hunger

ecrit ||12:10 AM 0 comments

Monday, May 28, 2007

birthday parties

the first in quite a long while that i woke up at 8. it was painful. had to drag myself out of bed. even a long shower didnt help to open my eyes. staying awake during service was too hard of a struggle.mornings are just bad time.

the kid's party at cathay was some what of the usual terror. what more this was a boy's party. i actually thought the store was gonna be torn apart at times. little terrors. we met this 2 sisters, joycelyn and joanne who were such angels! turns out she's an scgs girl! :) the dear sweerheart saw some pictures in my cam and found "the man" cute. it was damn hilarious. and she kept asking me what time "the man" was gonna come to the party! i never knew attraction, crushes and what-nots started at such a young age.

joycelyn

with her sister joanne

:::::::

Monaco Monochrome
Happy 21st Shu!

mae and i hiked all the way to the far east for Monaco Monochrome. it was one long ride. thank god for mae and her silly nonsense! made the night so much more fun!

pretty cupcakes, good food, black jack and many more silly hand slapping games to pass the night.

self entertained

with the birthday girl

i love love this one..

babes that came a long way
it's been 7 years!

kenny's babes?! nahhhh..
silly boy seemed so happy for that moment!

ecrit ||12:51 AM 0 comments

Sunday, May 27, 2007

losing track of time

supper with 3/4 of the fantastic 4. it was a nice time talking nonsense and sharing secrets over prata and ice tea. i never knew we could talk to much.

sometimes it feels like the night could go on forever..

ecrit ||3:53 AM 0 comments

Saturday, May 26, 2007

perhaps, a little too much?

first day of work at dempsey's was pretty strange for some matter. i was very much quieter. didn't quite feel like myself. i thought it'd be ok at first, but hmm.. it's just weird. and i was pretty freaked out by the no. of deja vu scenes i got.

ive learned to appreciate simplicity. and also fall back into the comfort of familiarity. if there's anything that i hate, it'd have to be false pretenses.i really really dislike and dont understand why people have to be fake. i value truth and honesty quite a fair bit. probably because ive seen friends and people become a completely different person and coming across as being so plastic. and the scary thing is they do it so well that sometimes you just cant help but wonder are they even genuine? the fine line between being fake and putting up a front is often blurred. everyone puts up different fronts everyday, but fronts can be seen through. being fake is like completely being this other fictional character and making people think that you're that character when actually you're totally someone else. why cant everyone just come clean and make things simple?

life itself is complicated enough, why complicate things even further? that's definitely one question i'd like to ask God. there's only so much time you get on earth, why make things so difficult? everyone makes mistakes, no point judging.

i thought about some old friends ive had. yea. had. it's sad to see that they've changed so out of the blue into someone completely different. is that what people call growing up? i sure hope it isnt so.

simplicity, honesty & truthfullness
is it that difficult?

ecrit ||4:06 AM 0 comments

it's definitely not what you think it is

back to school night at Cathay!
jon and i rushed down to cathay after work at dempsey's for our back to school night, all dressed in our uniforms! it was quite funny seeing the customer's weird expression. and such a big irony cuz school hols kinda starts today!

working at dempsey's today has made me appreciate Cathay so so so very much. going there after work at dempsey's was just like stepping back into realism. huge huge difference.

like i told fungyee and dawn from office when they asked me, "i love the place, but whether i love working there would depend on who i work with." i know it doesnt really sound very nice, but i'd rather be honest. i cant say i'll love when i've only been there for a couple of hours. and it's like if you work with nice, real people, of course u'll love working, the place wouldnt matter.

on our way down to Cathay!! finally..

it's BACK TO SCHOOL NIGHT!

the fantastic 4: jon haffie myself & dawn
of course it's not exclusive! cuz fantastic 4 always adds new members!
sharon babe! ure Ms Marvel yea?! pls remember your powers!! haha..and then there's spidey too! and many many more to come!

it was so difficult trying to act guai! choking!!

spidey! and his head popping magic trick! hilarious!
im so gonna miss Uncle Edmund! truly the best and most honest manager i've seen

Jon: too cool for school

it's all about the smiles
:| :) :) :)
zoom in and look at the drawing on the paper

cool rj kia vs geek vj boy
yeah rite...

ecrit ||3:32 AM 0 comments

Friday, May 25, 2007

false hopes and instant highs

it's all coming back again
waiting for an sms
and smiling to my phone
late nights and day dreams

instant highs
instant lows
u've got me all confused
dear, i'd really love to know

it's so impossible
but stubborn faith perseveres

i tried figuring you out
but i just dig myself another hole
dont you just hate it when the cloud of awkwardness falls
the grey blurry fog that clouds your brain

it seems like it's starting to get better
or is it just me trying too hard to be positive?

ecrit ||3:12 AM 0 comments

coincidences or chemistry?

photos upload 2
first look at dempsey

if you've not already known, im being transfered over to BnJ at Dempsey's! it's called The Ranch Home. really cool place. love the ambiance and it's huge ass!

Got a lift from jon up there cuz it's way too impossible to get there on your own. it's madness. it has always been like some sorta secret civilization in the midst of the forest. and jon decided to pick up other jon as well. boys will be boys. the car ride was well.. um.. fun with a little weird moments.

it was my vintage shades day! and jon decided to play along too so he went home to get his avaitors. and we found some "viper man" shades for other jon.

doing the signature pout

thank god my babe jolene was there!

boys will be boys. clean up was.. very dirty. but the place is just enchanting!

jon siow and i
*To SC girls: Doesnt he remind you of the pe Mr Ang from SC?!! eeew! hahaha..
our "xian ji bua" face

my dear jo!

the car ride back was omg. mad. 5 girls +  jons=MADNESS MAYHEM! i think there was a severe lack in oxygen and everyone just became crazy and couldnt stop laughing! the girls kept shouting out random locations they wanna drop at! damn funny.

the trip up was well.. nice and fun, but hmm.. bit awkward. i think it's just me. and i hope it does not repeat when i start work there. i so hate awkward pauses. and the "don't think i don't know" look. damn.

ecrit ||2:33 AM 0 comments

photos upload 1
errands

the day i spend running around quite a bit helping jon find a printer and do his invite thing. visited so many places in an afternoon. wonders of a car.

jon trying to do some pout thing again

the pretty babe

my CAKE! haha.. we bumped into donald(my CAKE!) at raffles

err...viking jon?
hahahaha..

we found a party costume shop at some secluded building which i dunno what it's called. it was quite a scary party shop. there was like so many costumes, masks and all. and it was pretty old and the building is like quiet and ancient! omg. i think i'll like freak out if i have to stay in the shop.

ecrit ||2:18 AM 0 comments

Thursday, May 24, 2007

where were you while we were getting high?

being nice pays off. and knowing more people is awesome! thanks! zouk's getting better each time. sadly, maybe not tonight. i don't know. first time mambo ended so early! i was quite shock. and the usual squeeze at phuture. i think i saw a little too much today. it's disgusting. i believe in vino veritas, so yeah. how am i gonna look at you the same way again? beats me. u siad ignorance is bliss. i should think so. sadly not tonight. i was um.. haha.. hemorrhaging! oh well.. not that it matters. gross.. eeeew!

someone still owes me a clubbing night. please dont puke ur guts out ok? where were u while we were getting high? its scary how easily you can give me an instant high.

i had alot of fun with the girls mae and scoopy sharon. crazy babes! and mae, mambo is not weird. maybe the people at mambo are. especially this time round. and sadly no cuties AT ALL! omg! but we had fun! :) tons of weird asses. it's like weirdo's night out or something! yikes!

i guess im seeing and knowing way too much than i should. it's not good. i don't wanna know! why is it that when you don't wanna know then you get everything thrown right in your face? ironic. pray to god and hope the next week would be good. im still trying to embrace change. it aint easy. being forced to be normal, when u know things were not. maybe it's just me overreacting. to top it all off, tonight didnt help either.

ecrit ||4:24 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

spurts of random thoughts

a call and an sms

i got an sms, and i almost cried
and then i received a call, and almost freaked out.
it's crazy. i cant believe myself sometimes.

it's funny how one small little thing can just make your day, and completely cheer you up. and also how fast a simple call can like crash everything and just dampen your spirit. why does it seem like my happiness is revolved around circumstances. oh well. girls are emotional. everyone's a little emo kid inside. but life goes on.

i dont wanna leave cathay. well part of me does want to. cuz seeing the same place like almost everyday kinda makes you sick. but then again, i cant bear to leave the girls behind. the past few weeks has been so much fun. it's become our second home. i'll miss all of u so so much. BUT! i'll definitely be back. change is good. i guess...

i wanna continue with all the nonsense we've been doing
the late night suppers, bumming around
doing silly things and laughing at everything
  
i dont think i'll know how to have fun over at dempseys :(
help!!!!

can i pack u guys into a big brown bag and bring you over with me?

:::::::

it's all coming back now

on a totally different note,
i dont understand how things can get so weird, then suddenly it's back to normal again. i still remember feeling like crap that its got me so freakin confused, and now it's all looking great! its made me happy, made me smile silly all over again. perhaps, hopefully, this time will be for the better..

i can only wish for things to be simple

im a simple girl
who is easily pleased..

:::::::

Polaroids are fun fun FUN!
took so many today! plus the lomo shots! i hope they turn out good.

i wanna go out and shoot some photos soon! join me!
i need a scanner to scan all my photos!! helP!!

ecrit ||12:51 AM 0 comments

Galya

prints from the photo shoot for looque models are out!

our model Galya's from Russia. i love the aloof, lost in your own look, part troubled, yet free look. sam's a great photographer cum make up and hair stylist!! all photos done with film! great lighting despite the rain! These photos are way better than the ones on her com card! Galya's a dear! 

ecrit ||12:47 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

it's almost as if everything was back to normal
who am i kidding again?!

spent the day running around, so many places in just one afternoon.. but was all fun. i bought my red vintage shades! :D now im broke. but happy. but broke. :| i was pretty much in a daze. probably due to the lack of sleep.ate too much of a lunch and felt too full. but it was a nice yummy lunch! somehow i cant sleep. i dunno why. its bad. I WANT MY SLEEP raaah..

of silly nonsense and weird observations.
sometimes im amused by what goes on inside my mind
if only you'd know half the things i think of
i think you'll die laughing

i was like 2hrs late for work. not like it really matters, cuz there's enough people at the shop anyway. i know every day i say that i dont feel like working. probably cuz the girls are the only ones that's keeping me going, and making work worth going for. thanks! i think i visited alot of places that ive never been to today. like weird random places that makes me feel as if we've driven through a time zone or into an alternate reality. cool.

a pretty blue monday,
but a cheery shade of blue!

ecrit ||1:45 AM 0 comments

psalms 139

i went for service on sat. it was weird. why in the world do i have to see you?! you, the one and only person i wish to just disappear off the face of this earth. the one and only being or mass of meat tt is taking up precious oxygen in the air. calling you human is such a great big insult to the human race. thinking of it just makes me wanna puke. whatever. i was like this close to walking out. thank god i realize you're not worth it for me to miss service.

it's been a while since ive gone for service. not that i dont wanna go. just that there's always something happening on sat! but it was good. God showed me alot of things ive like pushed aside. and ive actually alot of thinking to do. which i do not like to. but oh well. i have to. i need to go for a beach vacation soon. or maybe a nice long quiet car ride would do me some good. i need to sort out alot of things. really alot.

i hate the fact everything is always such a blur and i just cant figure out why im confused all the time. help!

ecrit ||1:31 AM 0 comments

Monday, May 21, 2007

post zouk flea

another roll of lomo, better shots, some are still over exposed. damn. but the good ones are beautiful. maybe because i love highly saturated colours. and daddy thinks it's crap and nonsese cuz the colour isnt right. he's like the typical-traditional-photographerish type. and i just like shooting nonsense.

zouk flea was fun. just tt it was way to crowded to shop. hiaz. it always is. bumped into donald(my cake!!) uncle weetiong and chandran. haha.. silly boy! photos are in my lomo! i need a scanner!!! help!! shopping with dawn was good. tt girls's damn funny. love u babe! im so happy we're all gonna go bangkok! rocks! i saw a pair of vintage shades at far east i want. damn. now im regretting not getting it. rah. cuz i bought a bag. im spending too much!! gonna have to leave my cards at home. bah.

we dropped by cathay to sharon's rescue cuz the poor girl was dying from some sorta scratch and clawing! hahaha.. cheer up babe! and dont lose yourself ah!! we love u! all of us have been hanging around cathay alot. it's turning into our home i tell you. but FUN!

ms haffie xian ji bua! haha

kat!

my glass babe! oooh! :P
get well soon dear..

pearlyn!

sharon the crazy one with bubbles.. haha

ecrit ||1:00 PM 0 comments

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Retail Therapy No. 1

Patients: Dea & Jas

therapy no. 1 with jasmine was damn fun! bought so much stuff! and my Kate Moss for Top Shop shorts! i still wanna get the yellow one! bahh.. and i realize we didnt take any photos! raH!

oh well.. must go again k jas babe!

Retail Therapy No. 2

Patients: Dawn, Haffie & Dea

it was damn hilarious! omg, ive not had such a crazy shopping experience in a while! last was theo i think! haha.. THEOWOO COME BACK!!! ok, anyway.. vivo was quite fun!and we only covered a small section la! had lunch at Marche which was really really pretty! all my photos are in the lomo so cant wait to develop it!!

dawn and haffie went crazy at topshop la. haffie wants to try everything! and gets angry with things cuz its too high uP! haha. and dawn whines about everything! the best is still how she whines about her not whining! hahaha.. omg! u girls are really the reason why im still working at cathay!! love love! we HAVE to go on a proper shopping trip sooN!!

i bought a damn happy colourful skirt and unides! yay!

the yummylicious marche food!
calamari, crepe, pasta & hot cross buns! YUM!

 :::

Aloha! Beach Night at Ben & Jerry's Cathay!

It was Hawaiian Beach Night tonight! so we all came in our beach gear! then it got cold! haha.. and it was pretty quiet so we played around quite a bit!

my babes! with pretty brollies in our drinks!

 cheers to the fantastic 4!

jon's emo shot
so poserish!

omg! i didnt know there was so many umbrellas in my hair!
huiyi was happily playing and poking it in while i was washing the collars.. haha..
im sure everyone would think we are mad!

jon haffie and i trying the pout
omG!

doing the signature feline pout! meeeeeooowwww!!!
hahahahaha.. omg!
luscious!

presenting Fantastic 4 and the 1-10 pose

omg! i wonder why i even did it! so embarrassing! it was just crazy la! i dont even know how we came about doing it. pobably making fun of stupid people again! i never knew the poses till today la.. haha..

it was quite a fun friday :)

i lost my lomo in the caB! ok.. it's not even mine. my friend loaned it to me! i love the cam la! and thank god they just called to say the cab driver found it! THANK YOU GOD! ok.. promise i'll keep my word, be good and go to church!!
i wanna go take more photos!!

ecrit ||3:35 AM 0 comments

Friday, May 18, 2007

WHY is it that difficult not to be misunderstood and give the wrong idea?
it's damn freakin frustrating
i dont freakin feel a thing
it's great!
get it straight!

anyway.. the first set of lomo shots are our! and im loving the colours! pretty pretty! highly saturated. awesome! now to find a scanner and scan it it. damn.

ecrit ||1:59 AM 0 comments

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Supper 1: Sempang Bedok

the very very scary ride in jon's car. i swear i thought i was not gonna make it to the next day.  the prata place was like in malaysia or something. and we had an adventure finding the toilet across the street and another trying to send sharon home. haha.. tt blur girl didn't know how to get home so we got lost trying to look for sand piles! damn funny..

rory and the girls, ele and sharon

Supper 2: Thomson Prata

everyone was dead tired. but it was fun.

ecrit ||3:15 AM 0 comments